So When Are You Having Another Baby?

When are you having another baby? A question I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve been asked. And while I know no one means to be rude when they ask, it is such a difficult question to answer. As many of you know, my husband and I went through years of infertility and finally had success with IVF.

So what is the next chapter of our infertility journey? The truth is, we have three embryos sitting on ice waiting for us. I think about those embryos every day. The thought of giving Mason a brother or sister from the very same IVF cycle that brought him into the world is a feeling I can’t describe. It excites me, it makes me nervous, and it scares the crap out of me. We went through HELL trying to have a baby. Am I ready to put myself through that again? Although we wouldn’t be going through a full IVF cycle again, I would be putting all my faith into hoping one of those three embryos turned into a healthy baby. There’s this fear of getting my hopes up that I can’t quite explain. If Mason is our one in a million, I will forever be grateful and my life will be complete. That I have no doubt. But, if we make the decision to try for baby number two and it doesn’t happen, then what? My world will shatter once again.

Let’s talk about trying to conceive after IVF…I made the decision a very long time ago that I would not “try” to get pregnant ever again. Those years were unpleasant. The struggle and heartache are still very raw. My husband is a little more optimistic than I am. He believes that we could be one of those stories you hear about where the couple goes through IVF and then gets pregnant with baby #2 on their own. I wish I shared his optimism, but I gave up hope a long time ago and can’t let myself go back there.

I am beyond blessed and thankful to have our miracle in Mase, but I still remember every test and surgery, every needle prick, every visit to the doctor’s office, every failed procedure, every blood test, and every negative pregnancy test like it was yesterday. It was a journey like no other, but I know when I look at Mase it was all worth it.

Do I want to grow our family? Yes. I would love to have another baby. But again, it’s not that simple for me. We have three chances to have another baby, and I’m not quite ready to decide if we will take those chances.

And I’ll be honest, when we went through IVF, all our friends and family knew which was a blessing and a curse. Having the support of everyone made the journey feel a lot less lonely, but there was zero privacy or the chance to experience the joys of announcing a pregnancy to them because they all knew what we were going through. On the flip side, their reactions when we did get pregnant were ones I will never forget. If we do decide to transfer our embryos, we’ve already decided we will keep that to ourselves.

So there it is. I found myself in being a mother. Mason takes up my whole heart, but I would love for it to grow room for one more.